While reading Postcards from Across the Pond today I was taken by the fact that Michael mentioned that he brought his wife tea in the morning. Since we do this also... except it's coffee (tea in the afternoon), I wondered just how many couples (retired or not) do this. I know my daughter and her DH do it. In fact, she was saying that they alternate. I'm always the first to make coffee at our house and bring DH a cup while he's feeding the cats. Then he makes the second cup and brings it to me.
Such a little thing... but somehow significant and I don't even know why. Makes me wonder how other people distribute their chores. Here I do almost all the cooking even though DH is a pretty good cook. He will occasionally make a Cajun dish like red beans and rice or jambalaya (makes pretty good stuffed peppers too!)... and actually makes great chocolate lava cakes and flan when the mood strikes. And even though I love to cook, I still enjoy it when he takes over.
Since we've retired he does the heavy duty chores like mopping and mowing. I tend to do the dishes and the dusting, etc. - although on occasion again I will cook and he will clean up. It works. Grocery shopping we do together... although he goes off with his cart and I go off with mine. We meet before checkout. Usually he's buying all the catfood and supplies while I'm picking up fresh meat and veggies for us.
We both wash our own clothes. I think we started this when the kids were grown, but still at home. We told them that they needed to wash their own clothes... and they did. I occasionally folded as somehow kids (even grown ones - especially boys) don't seem to care if the clothes are folded or worn right out of the dryer. But we kept this practice up even after the kids were off on their own. Again... it works.
This is probably a weird subject (coffee and the delegation of chores), but it does touch on retirement practices...
And before I go any further I want to mention that I read the Kindle sample of Dee Ready's "Prayer Was Not Enough"... and do plan on ordering the book. My friend lent me her Kindle and I didn't feel I could buy and download the book on someone else's e-reader, but did enjoy the sample pages I read. Dee has her own blog, "Coming Home to Myself" where you can read more about her new book.
Have a great week!
My *One a day Women's petites* order came in. I haven't tried them yet, but they do look small enough for me to swallow without too much trouble. They are not tiny, but about the size of a Tylenol caplet.
My husband always did his own laundry because he got used to doing the folding a certain way while in the Navy. The coffee was always a joke between us because I would always tell him about how my friend's husband brought her a cup of coffee every morning when he woke her up to get ready for work. My friend's left for work together, I left for work hours before Mike had to leave and actually I wouldn't want coffee in my bedroom because I would surely spill it.
ReplyDeleteWe're pretty easy when it comes to most things... and I carry a cup of coffee or tea into my bed whenever I'm reading there. Since the cats are there with me, it does get a little spilled on occasion (especially if Ghost pokes her nose into it) - but no biggie.
DeleteWe do our own clothes, dh doesn't drink coffee so I make my own and have it at my desk. Sometimes in winter I make him a cup of tea or if he is sick or I am we help each other out; I do all the cooking and grocery shopping and meal planning so dh does the dishes. Most of our marriage I did all outdoor and indoor chores and home improvement chores to boot while working full time; so lately I have become disenchanted with housework and dh does most or it doesn't get done. Guess I worked myself for too many years and it all caught up with me. Love the watercolor teacup
ReplyDeleteI like sharing more of the chores since retirement... and since DH retired before me, he started at it earlier. So far I find that I can still do everything I used to do... but not in one day as when younger. I have to space things out.
DeleteMy husband and I always did our own laundry, he did most of the cooking as he was a great chef, and I bought the groceries. The idea of bringing a spouse tea or coffee is sweet.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine how fun it would be to be married to a great chef. I'll bet you had some wonderful meals.
DeleteAs we are almost joined at the hip, lol we share most things, it works well.
ReplyDeleteBriony
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That's all that matter, Briony.
DeleteThis is so interesting! I thought we were alone in doing our own laundry, but it turns out this seems to be quite common in retired couples. Hubby does all the grocery shopping and food preparation. He doesn't think I'm particular enough about it all. :-)
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting, isn't it DJan? I have another question I've wanted to post, but feel it may be too personal to ask on a blog. It's how much money people spend on food every week or every month...? I remember how little we spent on food years ago and now I think it's about 5 times that. Maybe this is due to the cost of living or at least partly so?
DeleteWell, I am sitting here with my mouth hanging open wondering how I can get my husband to read your post. I do it all! I'm up first, always! Take the dogs out, feed the cats, put the coffee on, sit the cups, a spoon, and a napkin on the bar, and while I am brushing my teeth and washing my face, he gets up and fixes his own cup of coffee. I do all the grocery shopping, cooking, washing, folding, putting away, making the bed, mopping, vacuuming, window washing...could I have started this marriage off all wrong! He does work two six hour days a week.
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh. If he is still working... even 2 days a week... then he is probably not in 'retirement' mode. And besides, 'whatever works' is our motto. From reading your blog, you seem to be very happy with your life, so I'd just go with the flow... as they say.
DeleteDear Rian, first let me thank you for your kind words about "Prayer Wasn't Enough," the convent memoir that you are going to read. I so hope it speaks to you in some way. When I was writing it, I felt such great tenderness toward the Dee Ready I was meeting again--she's in her twenties and trying so hard to be perfect so as to be loved. I cried for her.
ReplyDeleteAs to your posting about chores, I've never been married or even lived with anyone for more than a few months, and so the chores here get done by me. (The cats refuse to cooperate! They spit on chores! And then hiss!) The one chore that I have a hard time doing as often as I should is the watering of all the houseplants. Somehow that just falls through the cracks. But today I saw one of the plants drooping and so I know that I must get this done! Peace.
I know what you mean, Dee... about the cats not cooperating. When I'm working, sometimes I look at them lying there watching me... and say, "you could help, you know". They just close their eyes and go back to napping.
DeleteI like how you two have divided up the chores with little emphasis on gender specific. Well done.
ReplyDeleteIt really isn't intentional, Patti. It just happens that way.
DeleteI've never been married and most of my efforts to get help from my kids were unsuccessful. However they are both responsible for washing their own clothing, keeping their bathrooms clean, and ensure that dishes are brought out to the kitchen. My son is tidier than my daughter and always has been. He does help out other ways as well, he feeds the cats, does clean their litter occasionally (not as often as I do), cleans the gutters and checks for ice dams. He also will make a pot of coffee and bring me a cup. Perhaps he'll make someone a good husband someday. :p
ReplyDeleteIt certainly sounds like he would make a good husband someday. And to be honest, my kids help out a lot more now that they are grown and have their own house-holds than they did when growing up.
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