Around the corner... aging and loss

I've been struggling a bit with a subject to post about recently. I'm still in the process of putting away Christmas (tree gone - so sad, I really miss having that bright spot in my den). But front room is still Christmassy... garland still on fireplace, Santa and train still on table, etc.  It's January 11th and I'm not ready for 2026 yet. 

But I've been thinking a lot about my friends lately. Most are elderly (like myself - seems odd to say that, but true) and are facing various complications (physical, emotional, health, etc.) and I want to help. But there seems so little I can do. Old age is definitely not for sissies as the saying goes. It's hard to stay strong, to face it all without fear. And the thought of losing these friends is just another fear to contend with. 

I'm going to post this old poem by Henson Towne here:

Around the Corner by Charles Hanson Towne Next

Around the corner I have a friend, In this great city that has no end; Yet days go by, and weeks rush on, And before I know it, a year is gone, And I never see my old friend's face, For Life is a swift and terrible race. He knows I like him just as well As in the days when I rang his bell And he rang mine. We were younger then, And now we are busy, tired men: Tired with playing a foolish game, Tired with trying to make a name. "Tomorrow," I say, "I will call on Jim, Just to show that I'm thinking of him." But tomorrow comes--and tomorrow goes, And the distances between us grows and grows. Around the corner!--yet miles away . . . "Here's a telegram, sir . . ."                                                       "Jim died today." And that's what we get, and deserve in the end: Around the corner, a vanished friend.

This poem is so true... and so sad.

But I know we have to be thankful for the time we've had with them, thankful for the family we still have, and try to find joy in the life we've been given and the friends and family that remain. 

When young and working (whether with raising kids, jobs, or both) we are so busy that 'purpose' doesn't enter our minds. The thought of retiring and having time for ourselves is nirvana. Then (if we're lucky, some aren't), that days comes and it is nirvana (for a little while). My nirvana was "owning my own time"... being able to write, cook, sketch, paint, walk as much as I wanted whenever I wanted - and it is great - still is. 

But now at 80, there are things that happen that make it a bit harder to enjoy. I think that possibly it's the realization that one can't do all the things one used to do... or as well. Perhaps it's the loss of control that is scary. We see it in our friends (to different degrees)  as well as in ourselves. So how to contend with this is my dilemma.

I try to stay in contact with my friends (usually through texting, but occasionally meeting). And I try to find things to do (make a list of little things that need doing - and X them off as accomplishments).

Cooking/baking for DH and grandson keeps me busy and I wonder at how those who live alone find this need to 'care for others' filled. I know volunteering is an option and one I've thought of (but I think my hesitation is based on my over-volunteering when my kids were young... which made me over-possessive of my own time and afraid to commit). 

Having animals to care for has always been a joy. We don't have any inside animals now, but over the years they have filled a wonderful place in our hearts. Now we care for the outside ferals. Some don't agree with this, but one does what the heart says is right. 

I still dream of those (furry family?) that were with us for 15-20 years - can see them, touch them, hear them, and feel the love we shared - in my dreams. It's a bit similar to the opening up of your heart when you have a child... somehow your heart expands. Sounds silly, but it happens. 

I'd better close this before you all think I'm crazy... (and maybe I am). But my monkey mind is still whirling. I would love to hear how any of you deal with this need for purpose and fulfillment in your advancing age. 

Perhaps some of you still work part-time (not something that calls to me), but I can see that as one answer. Taking care of DH, my grandson, and this house (and the ferals) takes up most of my time (the days pass faster than I can get it all done ?)

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm complaining because I'm not... just wondering about how to best handle things. I know I'm blessed - with a home, DH, grandson, kids, grandkids... and friends (physical and on-line). My thoughts just take me off sometimes to weird places - this new territory where losing friends (and family) due to age has to be considered. 

Closing this with a few memes:

and 

I so remember cutting out paper dolls from the Sears catalog as a child. It took me to an imaginary place where I could create families, friends, and different lives... perhaps a precursor to my writing stories?

OK, now I'm ending this. But before I do, I have to say that I finished Dan Brown's "Secret of Secrets"... and really liked it! IMO, it's his best one yet. DH liked it too (probably for it's historical settings - which are supposedly all real) and I loved it for it's research into human consciousness (which is supposedly also all true - the research not the fictional story). Anyway, if you are looking for a good book, I would recommend this one.

Take care, my friends and if you have any comments referring to how to best handle the looming possibilities of old age, I'd be happy to hear them.

 

Hugs (virtual),

Rian

*Also my next eye surgery is this coming week. This one is not plastic surgery, but medical to put a stent in my partially blocked tear duct. Hopefully this will be the last surgery needed...😒