I found that Tom (at Sightings over Sixty) had an especially interesting post this week, "What are you afraid of?" I do find that one of the things I seem to struggle with as I age is fear. Why? I don't know. But it seems to raise it's ugly head in a variety of ways these days.
I, at only 77(only 77 - that's a bit funny in itself) stopped driving about 2 years ago after getting in a car accident. It wasn't a bad one... since no one was injured - although my poor car was totaled (but it was old) and the air bags bruised my arms and chest. It was my fault since I was turning left on a yellow blinking light and the other car was going straight on green. But the thing is, I had looked and did not see any car coming across. How does that happen? It thoroughly affected my confidence. What if I had hurt someone? How did I not see that car?
Anyway, that's one fear that I've had to face. I already didn't drive on highways or alone on trips due to the sudden onset of migraines - which affect my sight. (and no, I wasn't having a migraine the day of the accident). So, not driving at all wasn't that big a loss... especially since I still have DH and my grandson.
That brings us to another fear: losing one's spouse. Since many of my friends have lost theirs - some quite recently - this is something else that needs facing - not dwelling on, but facing. To be honest, I hope to go first and avoid the whole thing... and I know that's cowardly. People say that women survive losing a spouse better than men, but I'm not too sure about that.
Losing a pet is another fear - a recent one actually. I mean most of us have dealt with losing pets our whole lives - after all, they don't live as long as we'd like them to. But now - after losing the last 3 (right around the pandemic), I can't bear to think about losing another. Maybe it's due to my age and I've gotten more vulnerable, but the thought of going through that again is just not on.
I know there are others - all the ones Tom mentioned in his post and more. But I find that the best thing to do is to not dwell on any of our fears. Realize that when the time comes to face a fear, we will have the necessary ability to do so. The saying that God doesn't give us more than we can handle has some truth in it - although I don't look at it in a religious manner - more in that the strength to handle life comes from within ourselves (whether that is considered a gift from God is a personal choice).
Well, I started this without any idea of where it was going, but must give Tom credit for starting this train of thought. However, there is one more little fear that sometimes crops up unexpectedly due to age. It's that condescending feeling that is sometimes felt when someone patronizes you because of your age (like young drivers who fly by you when you're going the speed limit or people who call you "young lady", etc.) These may not be good examples, but if you're over 65, you know what I mean...
Closing this now. It's Saturday and a 'not as hot as usual' weekend! So, enjoy what is left of it and thank you for putting up with my monkey brain that just got jump-started this afternoon.
Hugs (virtual),
Rian
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| something to think about... |
Also I had put in a long comment on Tom's post - but for whatever reason, it disappeared.(?) In it I mentioned that although I do fear gun violence, nuclear war, climate change, and political unrest, I feel that outside of voting, there is little I can do about it. And traffic accidents and road rage are real dangers these days since people seem to be in a constant state of unrest...
I read Tom's post after starting yours, just to see what he's afraid of. Then I read your post and have to agree that all those things weighing on you are the same things I worry about, too. But I am finding that most of them I have absolutely no control over, and I must find ways to cope. Thankfully my spouse is stable from his cancer diagnosis a year ago, and I seem in moderately good shape, too. I try to eat right and have stopped driving except for short distances because I don't have the same response times I once did. Thank you for this post, and for making me take a look at what I can do something about, like taking that walk or not eating that cake. :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's true we have little control over lots of things... so, why do we fear them happening? When I was young, I worried about getting polio (saw the iron lung on TV and thoroughly frightened me). My dad told me that if you worry or dwell on something, it's likely to happen. THAT WORKED! I no longer thought about it. And when it's not in your thoughts... it's great. I think the constant news and media keeping all the horrible things in our minds makes us anxious. We need to concentrate on things that make us feel good... like taking that walk or not eating that cake (or taking a longer walk after eating the cake?)
DeleteRian, I can relate to your driving fear in a big way, and I'm a bit younger than you. I sure am sorry about your rough accident, I'm just glad you're here to share it. And that was sweet, your fear of losing your spouse. I can't say I know a lot of married people who would say the same!
ReplyDeleteReading these responses, I'm surprised to see that there are more out there that feel like me about driving. I feel guilty about giving it up as it does affect your independence - and to be honest, feel it's an assault on my courage. I should be stronger. But whether it's age or a form of PTSD after the accident, all I know is that it is real.
DeleteThis is a fascinating topic, I am a senior and a widow, and I fear pain and disability. I am happy to love Jesus and know he is preparing a home for me so death is not such a worry, but suffering before it, yes. My pup is ten now and he is such a joy, I hope he lives to a good old age.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I fear death itself, Terra... think of it as the next big adventure, but yes, I don't want to put my family through any long drawn out illness.
DeleteThis struck home today. We said goodbye to our much loved Jazz yesterday. And it hurts like hell.
ReplyDeleteI fear losing my mind (a possibility with MS), my independence and my partner. And try and put them to the back of my mind.
Losing a pet that has been part of your life does hurt like hell, EC. I really really hope to see our pets in the next life... love never dies. As for your MS, I can understand that fear too. My mother and 2 of my aunts died with Alzheimer's. Losing one's mind is a very frightening thought... as is losing one's partner. Like they say in meditation practices, let the thoughts come as they may (and they will), but then let them float away... and get on with life.
DeleteYes, I was greeted "Well good morning young lady." by a young 20 something as he handed me some political information regarding his run for some position. I didn't think about it at the time because I was waiting for a chance to break into his spiel to tell him that I didn't live in the town and that I was just visiting my sister who lived there. It was only later I thought of how he had greeted me and "young lady", I am not as I am 70 years old and proud to consider myself an elder:) Sigh. Do they expect us to be flattered by this? Um, no I'm not flattered.
ReplyDeleteI don't think everyone who uses these (supposedly endearing terms) realizes how condescending they are...
DeleteI stopped driving a long time ago except to the farmers market which is super close. I also was in 2 accidents and am terrified of driving. And yes, yes. I worry all the time about losing my husband because I'm much too dependent on him for everything. I know I need to deal with this fear too, but it's hard.
ReplyDeleteI hate that my accident created this fear in me... but it's there now non-the-less. I could fight it and drive anyway, but with my age figure it might be best to let it be. As for losing one's spouse, it is something we realize is a definite possibility as we age - but like you, I find it too difficult to think about.
DeleteI fear most of the things you do. I think the pandemic has made my fears worse.
ReplyDeleteYou may be right, Bobi. The pandemic made us realize that our fears can actually become a reality. Now we have to find a way to put those fears back in the box.
DeleteYour Ghandi quote sums it up. Hate is not the enemy; fear is.
ReplyDeleteYes, I do believe this is true, Joanne.
DeleteI haven't really thought about what fears I have, though I can certainly identify some worries. Most of those I can't do much about though. I do foresee a day when I'll give up driving especially if/when health issues raise their ugly head. My mom gave up driving when she was 72 or 73, after what, thankfully, was a minor accident. She had a stroke when she was in her mid-60's (I'm just a couple years younger than that now), and her reflexes weren't as quick as they once were. On the other hand, I had to ask the doctor to report my dad at the age of 93 because he'd had a debilitating stroke but continued to drive at the urging of my (idiot) sister. He turned to an electric scooter after that and was a terror on it too.
ReplyDeleteFears, worries... all semantics to me, Mae. I don't believe that we should live our lives in fear - and worry does nothing but make us anxious. Interesting that your mom gave us driving in her early 70's. I felt like giving it up at 75 was a bit young... but hey, we should know ourselves and what we're capable of. Many of my friends are continuing to drive in their 80's (some are doing fine, others - maybe should be off the road, but they're alone and need the that independence).
DeleteGood topic! There's an old Charlie Brown comic that features Charlie Brown and Lucy (as the "psychiatrist", I think) trying to put a name to his fears. Finally Lucy says something (can't remember the name), meaning fear of everything, and Charlie Brown responds, "That's it!" I feel that about sums up how I feel. LOL. It just depends on the day and the state of my mental health.
ReplyDeleteKim, you don't seem to me to be a person that fears everything. You seem to do very well for yourself. And you're young and still working! So I'm thinking the Charlie Brown cartoon was funny... but not you.
DeleteI really don't fear death for I have lived my life well by my standards but am not wild about dying. It can often be long, painful and unpleasant. So far so good. I do fear not outliving my pets and them not being cared for. I had a 30 year younger plan B but she is now sicker than I am. So I keep taking my vitamins.
ReplyDeletePatti, I don't fear dying as such either... as I said in a previous comment, I look at it as the next big adventure. But it would be nice to simply go in one's sleep - no long drawn out affair (however, I don't like the idea of 'leaving' those I love). And we too used to worry about outliving our cats as one had so many handicaps that we didn't think anyone would take her...
Deleteoooooh fears, i have a few. biggest fear, my husband dying before me, i don't really want to continue without him. surcomming to the ugly symptoms of MS, that's a big one. and talking about self confidence, i have very little these days!!
ReplyDeleteDebbie, you have a beautiful home, a wonderful husband, and live in such a great area that although I can understand your fear due to MS, your sharing your life in your blogs is such a generous gesture that you should feel very good about your life. And you are so talented with your photography, knitting, crafting, cooking, etc. I for one admire your strength...
Deletethank you so much, you are too kind!!
DeleteHi Rian, thanks for reading/mentioning my post. So now that I've read yours, and spent some time thinking about it all, I see there's a lot more to fear than I thought! But as you say, the best thing to do is to not dwell on any of our fears.
ReplyDeleteRight Tom, I agree it doesn't help anything to dwell on our fears. Talking about them is fine, but best put them back in their box after that.
DeleteYes, if I let fear in, it is about losing my spouse. But knowing how God's presence was with me, during my conscious moments in ICU post-stroke, then through four weeks of inpatient physical, occupational and speech therapy and two-days a week therapy outpatient for about a decade after that, I figure He will continue to fill my life with small and huge joys help me cope if I am left behind.
ReplyDeleteI hope and pray that you are right... and that the strength to cope will be given to us or is already there within us.
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