Thinking about life... nothing specific... just how it goes. Have been reading a strange book, "A Spool of Blue Thread" by Anne Tyler. It's interesting... not especially enthralling, but very true to life -pertaining to relationships within a family. Part of the summary on the book's back says "... Abby and Red and their four grown children have accumulated not only tender moments, laughter, and celebrations, but also jealousies, disappointments, and secrets."
IMO Tyler is a good writer as she seems to capture not only the conversations that are so true to family life, but the feelings hidden behind the words both said and unsaid. On some level, relationships within a family are so simple and straight-forward. And on other levels, there are always the unsaid feelings that linger - some justified, some not. But love exists in and among the tangles of life... and despite everything, seems to pull everyone through.
It makes me think of my own family... how everyone interrelates. Some simple, some complicated... yet love seems to pull us all through (if we let it). Each of us, our parents, our children, their spouses, their parents, and our children's children... not to mention other family relations and extended families - all have their own story (their own history).
And none of us really knows the other's whole story... what they've gone through or are going through. We may know part of it - what they've chosen to tell us or what we've seen, but we can't really relate because we didn't experience it. So expectations to understand are unfair. We try. Sometimes we fail.
IMO what we have to do is choose to trust... and continue to love. I know trust isn't easy. It's difficult and it's scary. But considering the consequences of not trusting...
So how do we all 'come together' as a family? I don't know the answer, but it seems to me that if there is a basis of love running through... like a thread... then if we hold on to that thread and trust it to hold us, then it will.
Simplistic? Perhaps. But it works for me. I'd be curious as to what works for you?
Have a great week!
That's an interesting perspective and I wish that love was all that was needed. My family is not together, there are too many past hurts. My sister and I haven't spoken since my father's funeral in 2008. Even then it wasn't comfortable due to the things that were said to and about me over the years.
ReplyDeleteUltimately my family are not only those who are related to me but my chosen family of friends.
Eileen, I really don't presume to say that love is all that is needed, but keeping that thread of love alive gives me hope that hurts might still be mended one day. My sister and brother both died in their 50's and I so would have liked to have grown old with them.
DeleteI read that book but remember little about it. I enjoyed it, that much I remember. My family is scattered all around the nation, but we have a thread that joins us and have, throughout the years, remained close. :-)
ReplyDeleteAs I said, it's an interesting book... that makes you *feel* all the different conflicting emotions that go into the making of families and extended families. I can't even honestly say that I'm enjoying it, but it certainly makes me think.
DeleteRelationships in a family are what Anne Tyler does.
ReplyDeleteEven the person most close to me has a story that is different from my own, having parts to it that I cannot comprehend. But I can still love and respect that person. I can respect and even love our differences.
There have been people in my life who have been both troubled and troubling, causing pain because they are in pain. If I can help, I do. Usually I cannot help and then I need to protect my boundaries and move on with my own life.
There should be a Mr. Yuk sticker for toxic people. They have a purpose, but I certainly don't want them on my kitchen table.
Olga, I haven't read many of Anne Tyler's books, but I can see that relationships are definitely her forte'.
DeleteI think that with everyone, family or not, it's always important to remember that even if we think we have all the information, we probably don't. Because of this any judgement should be tentative and reversible if new facts emerge. No holding grudges over old happenings because they are in the past and situations change and often so do the people involved. We just need to stay open to opportunities that might present themselves.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure we ever have all the information. If we could step inside that person's mind and soul, only then would we understand where they're coming from... and how much they may be hurting... and why. And hurts need to be healed, not left to fester.
DeleteI think you really nailed it with "other's whole story". Even those we have spent a life time with-- do we really know what they are holding back for one reason or another.
ReplyDeleteNo, and unless there's a problem, we probably don't have to know.
DeleteI think it is a choice...if we allow it to, love CAN bring us through :)
ReplyDeleteI wish you a wonderful Wednesday!
True. I too think it's a choice... not necessarily an easy one, but still a choice.
DeleteLove the kitty in the window photo!!!
ReplyDeleteEach one has their own story. So true. And also so true, that we can never really know the whole story, of any family member. (or of anyone, actually) My tendency, which is not, not, not good, is to impose my own interpretation on the lives of others. Unwise. Stupid even. Silly. Gets me into trouble. Etc.
I wrote more here, and wiped the slate clean. It was not answering your question. The heat and being tired (nap time!) are not making me a good "commenter".
I owe it to you and to myself, to do better, when dropping into a blog. :-)
And I will! Come back again. And be a wise "commenter".
Do come back, Luna. And sometimes there's no one answer... just things that work or don't work for each of us.
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